Australia

This is a topic I may have talked about before but after spending some good quality time with Jesus I feel like it deserves it's very own blog post.

As many of you know (since only 3 people read this...hi mom!) I have applied to study a semester in Australia. I've been praying about this trip for over a year and this past summer decided the Lord was giving me the go ahead leading up to a 4 month long application process. After finishing the online application, getting a passport, filling out flight information, housing information, medical information, background information, emergency contact information, signing agreement and release forms, picking my classes, writing a personal essay, getting an academic reference and mailing 5 2x2 photos of myself (2x2 photos are harder to get then they seem!) I have been in a 3 week long season of waiting. I recently found out that the 15 hours I took last semester at the good 'ole UNT weren't good enough so 1.5 weeks after finishing my entire application I was told that I needed to write another essay on academic excellence and get a different academic reference to fill out a form and write a letter of recommendation. Needless to say, a lot of paperwork and time have been involved.

The first week I was nervous. I thought about my acceptance (or nonacceptance) pretty much every minute of every day. If I wasn't in class or had a free moment to check my phone I was checking my application status and email to look for an update or a change. Nothing happened.

The second week I made a deal with myself that every time I thought about Studying Abroad or my application I'd pray for a different Young Life kid, since it was clearly becoming a huge idol in my life. It worked very well and I stopped thinking about studying abroad and started thinking more about the ministry I'd committed to and the kids I care so deeply about.

The third week I have become very content. Honestly at this point I know that either way it goes that the Lord has accomplished what I set out to do. Even before I started praying about studying abroad I started praying about having a richer and more childlike faith. I've been praying for a better prayer life. And most of all I've been praying for patience. Through this entire experience every single one of those prayers has been answered.

The Lord put this incredible desire in my heart to study abroad on July 23rd, 2009, and I have prayed almost every single day since then. I didn't desire to study abroad thinking that it would change my relationship with Jesus but because of that desire it drove me into prayer. Daily prayer. Something I had wanted but never been able to accomplish.

I have been forced to wait. I always talk about how I am the "exception" to almost every rule. How a coke machine could work for every single person but the one time I put my money in it doesn't work. This applies to almost every aspect of my life and I've learned to deal with it. Being the one person that's application was put on hold didn't surprise me. Most people hear back from their study abroad advisor within 48 hours, but my application has been completed for 3 weeks. I've been forced to be patience and through that patience I've learned to enjoy the little things. I've learned how much it doesn't matter if I go study abroad or stay in the states. Life goes by quickly, but the Lord stays the same. Waiting has become sweet because I know that in the end, no matter what happens to me the Lord is there and there is more to learn and even more to do.

There is something about having faith that is so sweet. I've come to a point where I've been able to take a step back and look at the situation. I've been given options for every outcome possible and am content with whatever God has in store for me. I know I have purpose either way it goes. Does that mean I don't desire to study abroad or I wont be upset about not getting into the program? Absolutely not! But I know either way the cookie crumbles that God will be glorified and my relationship with Christ will not be shaken, and the joy I find in that is so fulfilling.

Truly, either way the study abroad situation goes I am thankful. I have been given an incredible opportunity to learn what trusting the Lord and finding comfort in Him loos and feels like and if I was given the choice to do this all again, I would do it in a heart beat. That being said, if you get a chance or you think about it when your closing your prayers please do pray I find favor in the hearts of my advisors as they are making their last decision about allowing me to study abroad. Pray for God glory in my life through this situation, and pray I am comforted when the final decision is made.

I'll let you know an update as soon as I know. Thank yall for all your support and listening to me moan and grown for the past year and 1/2!

Update: I just received news that my application has been accepted! Praise the Lord!

Prayin' for all those rude people

Prayer. It's a part of our everyday lives...or it should be. Ok confession time, about this time last year I'd conceder myself on the way towards a strong, biblically sound faith. But was my prayer life coming along for the ride? Absolutely not. Sure, I'd pray at night before I went to sleep for a few minutes...when I remembered. During the day I'd try and pray for the people I saw walking to class, the younglife kids back in Frisco were a hot topic, my relationship and friendships were always touched on, etc. If you were to ask me if I had a solid prayer life I'd say definitely. Because at that point, I thought I did. I thought, "Hey, Jesus prayed so it ought to be pretty important right? I should set aside at least 10 minutes during the 1440 that I am given. Yea! That should do it!" Today, I look back on that and laugh.

It was November 27th that I started a journal on a misson. The misson was to go as long as possible without skipping one night of prayer. After 43 days in a row of prayer I missed one night. I will never forget the next morning, I had just moved into my apartment and with moving and building furniture (thanks ikea.) and getting settled I passed out before I got to spend good solid time with the Lord. It tormented me. Not just for a couple of minutes, but the entire day. After that I went 32 days of prayer and flaked out once again. This one hit me a little harder, and for a week I prayed about how upset I was. Eventually I got over it and started back up again until I finished my entire moleskine. I got the journal on October 17th, 2009 (a year from yesterday), didn't start really using it as a prayer journal until November 27th but filled all the pages by June 9th. A little over 6 months. I don't say any of this to brag, not at all! I say it to say in those 6 months my growth with God was tremendous. I am 90% sure without that solid prayer life my relationship with God would have disintegrated. During these 5 months I was moving 300 miles, and starting a new life with no friends and no social support system. There were days when I wanted to drop out, there were days I wanted to move back to Arkansas but when I had no one, The Lord was there. Listening to every word I thought up, enjoying the words that flowed from my pen. (Proverbs 15:8) And I was comforted. Did it happen immediately? No. Did it happen every time I felt alone? No. But it happened enough for me to realize that constant prayer changes things. "Sometimes when we pray it feels as if God has indeed nodded off. Raise your voice, Jesus' story implies (Luke 11). Strive on, like the shameless neighbor in the middle of the night. Keep pounding (on) the door." After reading that I realized I need to be shameless. I need to keep pounding at that door. Being comforted by Luke 11 was only the beginning.

I recently have finished a book on Prayer (only 10 months later! Thanks, college.) and the wisdom that I've come away with has changed not only my life but my heart. To say that I love people would be an understatement. I mean, I'm a social work major for cryin' out loud. I love to love people. And to hear their stories is one of my favorite things about what I get to do every day. I honestly go to class and feel like I'm cheating some kind of system by taking classes that will not only help a career but my life, my family and my friends. That being said, I can be pretty judgmental at times. A girl in my spanish class asks me if we have a test that day and I immediately think she is an idiot. Someone cuts me off when I'm in a hurry. I overhear a conversation about my favorite baseball team and the people talking don't know anything about any of the players...or baseball for that matter. The little things through my day that make me A) think I'm better then everyone else and B) give me a reason to make fun of them. I knew by judging them I was being hateful and even sinning at times, but I thought the cure was to just try and stop.

That may work for some people but as this problem was growing, my heart was getting sicker and sicker. Finally after a few slaps in the face I read this passage "I see intercession as an increase in my awareness. When I pray for another person, I am praying for God to open my eyes so that I can see that person as God does, and then enter into the stream of love that God already directs toward that person. Something happens when I pray for others in this way. Bringing them into God's presence changes my attitude toward them and ultimately affects our relationship. I pray for the neighbor who is always trying to sneak out of paying his share of neighborhood assessments and begin to see him not as a conniver but as a friendless man who lives with constant financial worries.". Why not pray? When I pray for these people that make me angry, the people that cut me off or ask stupid questions I'm giving them a face. I'm giving them a soul. When I see the girl in spanish I don't immediately think she is dumb, but I think about the last time I prayed for her and I wonder if those prayers have been answered. Is she a freshman worried about school and overwhelmed by her classes? How's she feeling now? Does she need tutoring or help of any kind? What can I do to help her life be easier? How can I show her Christ through my actions?

It's such an easy thing to do, but I never thought to do it. Not seriously at least.

How can we pray for someone we are angry with or don't like and walk away with a bitter taste? How is it possible to come before Our Lord, asking to see people as He sees them, and remain angry? 1 Corinthians 8:11 says "And so by your knowledge this weak person is destroyed, the brother for whom Christ died". Christ died for that person that cut me off. Christ died for that person that made a rude comment about my outfit. Christ died for the tax collectors, and the shammed.

"I pray for all the faces I have seen, and they become not just faces but fellow human beings who have fallen victim to evil on this planet. As I pray, their pain becomes mine, and I bring their plight before God."

(all quotes unless stated otherwise were from Philip Yancey's book "Prayer")

Happy Happy Birthday!

I know I said I wouldn't write any more sad post about Joey, but it's his birfday!

For your birthday this year I will put up an incredibly embarrassing picture of us before we went to homecoming one year.

You'd be 20 today! Meaning this 4 year old picture should be burned. Haha no, but really I love you and will be spending the day celebrating your life and how wonderful you were.

Anne said it best "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."