Recently a friend of mine said those 8 heart piercing words to me. It was painful. I really considered this person close and valued the friendship we shared. Don't get me wrong, or attempt to "read between the lines" this is not a blog bashing that person, this person isn't evil or rude, they are actually pretty neat and I am fully aware this is a desire that God put in their heart. At first I must admit that I was really upset. Tears were involved and I was very very angry. I originally thought this person was being selfish, and intentionally hurtful. It was only after a month of simmering in the situation that I realized the bigger (much bigger) picture.
How many times has someone have I gotten close to God just to pull away like my friend did? For example, Junior year of high school: I just got back from YoungLife camp and was thinking about doing WorkCrew (where you actually get to work at a camp for a month). I started a book required for the training process called Becoming More Like Jesus, and I really was. Well to an extent. I was going so deep and really getting a great grasp for who Jesus was and what He did...on a very basic level. I was humble (well as humble as a 16 year old girl can be), loved putting friends before myself and memorizing scripture was a highlight of my day. Jesus was changing my life and I loved it. I was getting so close to God, spending so much time with him. I'd bring my bible to school and read it every (and I mean EVERY) chance I'd get. I wasn't afraid to pull out my bible with random people in fear of offending them. I had such a childlike faith (something I yearn for today). God was my best friend. I talked to Him all the time, honestly and held nothing back. From the looks of things, everything was going great. Then I dropped a bomb. (Here is where my story about my friend, and the story about my Junior year differ) My friends back home weren't too excited about the whole God thing so after a few months of going steady, I ended things. It wasn't like a legit break up or anything I mean I still saw Him on the side, just not when my friend were around. And every time He called out to me I asked Him to hold on, but when I needed Him, I needed Him right then and there. Finally I said those 8 words. Well, plus a few. "God, I just don't desire to be your friend. Not right now at least" I saw that having fun with my friends was easier then hanging out with God because I got immediate responses, and "the now factor" was in full force. I said "see Ya later God" for quite a while. While I didn't stop going to church or YoungLife, I stopped really caring about God and having an intimate relationship with Him.
Back to my friend from before, after everything went down I couldn't believe someone could really say that to another person, let alone someone I really thought I knew, but I realized that I've said it to God a numerous amount of times. (Most) every time I get a new boyfriend it's Sayonara. Or if school gets too hard too handle, Adios! Not to say that God didn't know it was going to happen or that I got His hopes up (because He definitely created me and He of all people know how I am), but I think He did get His hopes up. How many times have you seen Moulin Rouge and rooted for the guy and the girl to be together knowing the ending? Or Titanic, you wanted so badly for Rose and Jack to make it to the mainland, even though you've seen in a million times and know Jack dies. I think that's how it was for God. He knew the ending, well that current situation's ending, but I firmly believe He was rooting for me. He wanted me to pick Him but I didn't. Now I don't want to confuse you, I'm not saying that I'm not going to end up picking Him every time, because I pray all the time that I will, and that ending I feel pretty secure about.
How about you, though? How many times have you told God you didn't desire to be His friend? That getting drunk was too much fun and you didn't have time right now. Or when God puts a mission in your life and you choose to ignore it. Believe me, moving 300 miles away from your home because God is telling you too is not easy. And this may seem like a simple lesson, this blog, but it took me a while to learn and I don't intend on forgetting it. After talking everything out with God the expression "if it were a snake it would have bit me" comes directly to me. I wish I would have learned this when I was a Junior. I've wasted so much time building up this great relationship with God just to have it smashed when I didn't desire to be His anymore. I wouldn't wish this fate upon anyone which brings me to my blog, although I'm sure its only read by few (if that), I want to send out this warning:
GOD is great. GOD created the universe (if you disagree, I'd really rather not argue with you; just read my current favorite book The Case for Christ, written by a nonbeliever [Lee Strobel]). HE is awesome. Don't put HIM on the back burner for anyone, or anything. HE is rooting for you. And most of all, HE desires to be your friend (as cliché as it sounds).
In ending I'd like to say once more, that this is not meant to be rude or hateful. I've just learned a valuable (very very valuable) lesson and feel God pushing me (He's been dropping hints EVERYWHERE!) to share it with you, personally.
