Changes.

I feel as if my heart is changing as are the leaves with the season.

Except this change is different. This change, within myself, is different from before. This isn't a temporary change.

My life is settling down. I'm finding out who I am and falling into place with who I will be for the rest of my life.

I'd say I'm 'lucky' but I know it boils down to more then luck. According to my calendar I'd say the Holy Spirit came just in time, but I know that according to the Lord's calendar he came not a minute too early, not a minute too late.

It's interesting how a certain kind of love can change your life forever. Like the love my friends didn't show me when I stood up against the path we were heading down. Or the love that strangers rushed to wrap me in, not because of my own merit but because of a love they had been shown.

Sometimes the encouragement I feel is overwhelming, but when that encouragement is gone and all I feel is loneliness the silence is deafening.

If you know anything about me, you probably know I am in love with a man named David. You see, I've loved David for a long time because of his consistent love for God, despite what people said and most of all despite of what he did. David wasn't the greatest man to walk the earth he wasn't even close to perfect. He messed up. A lot. But for years I always said I would marry David, knowing everything I know about him, if it was possible. But think I've found the underlining reason, that drives my love for David and to say the least I was shocked. It's not his manliness or his persistence. I loved David because I am just like him.

I mess up. I lack encouragement. I lack joy. I have days of sorrow. I yearn for mercy.

Psalm 51:9-12 is a clip from David's response to God after he was confronted by a prophet calling him out for cheating on his wife, impregnating a married women, killing her husband and frankly letting his nation down. The verses says, "Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit."