It was November 27th that I started a journal on a misson. The misson was to go as long as possible without skipping one night of prayer. After 43 days in a row of prayer I missed one night. I will never forget the next morning, I had just moved into my apartment and with moving and building furniture (thanks ikea.) and getting settled I passed out before I got to spend good solid time with the Lord. It tormented me. Not just for a couple of minutes, but the entire day. After that I went 32 days of prayer and flaked out once again. This one hit me a little harder, and for a week I prayed about how upset I was. Eventually I got over it and started back up again until I finished my entire moleskine. I got the journal on October 17th, 2009 (a year from yesterday), didn't start really using it as a prayer journal until November 27th but filled all the pages by June 9th. A little over 6 months. I don't say any of this to brag, not at all! I say it to say in those 6 months my growth with God was tremendous. I am 90% sure without that solid prayer life my relationship with God would have disintegrated. During these 5 months I was moving 300 miles, and starting a new life with no friends and no social support system. There were days when I wanted to drop out, there were days I wanted to move back to Arkansas but when I had no one, The Lord was there. Listening to every word I thought up, enjoying the words that flowed from my pen. (Proverbs 15:8) And I was comforted. Did it happen immediately? No. Did it happen every time I felt alone? No. But it happened enough for me to realize that constant prayer changes things. "Sometimes when we pray it feels as if God has indeed nodded off. Raise your voice, Jesus' story implies (Luke 11). Strive on, like the shameless neighbor in the middle of the night. Keep pounding (on) the door." After reading that I realized I need to be shameless. I need to keep pounding at that door. Being comforted by Luke 11 was only the beginning.
I recently have finished a book on Prayer (only 10 months later! Thanks, college.) and the wisdom that I've come away with has changed not only my life but my heart. To say that I love people would be an understatement. I mean, I'm a social work major for cryin' out loud. I love to love people. And to hear their stories is one of my favorite things about what I get to do every day. I honestly go to class and feel like I'm cheating some kind of system by taking classes that will not only help a career but my life, my family and my friends. That being said, I can be pretty judgmental at times. A girl in my spanish class asks me if we have a test that day and I immediately think she is an idiot. Someone cuts me off when I'm in a hurry. I overhear a conversation about my favorite baseball team and the people talking don't know anything about any of the players...or baseball for that matter. The little things through my day that make me A) think I'm better then everyone else and B) give me a reason to make fun of them. I knew by judging them I was being hateful and even sinning at times, but I thought the cure was to just try and stop.
That may work for some people but as this problem was growing, my heart was getting sicker and sicker. Finally after a few slaps in the face I read this passage "I see intercession as an increase in my awareness. When I pray for another person, I am praying for God to open my eyes so that I can see that person as God does, and then enter into the stream of love that God already directs toward that person. Something happens when I pray for others in this way. Bringing them into God's presence changes my attitude toward them and ultimately affects our relationship. I pray for the neighbor who is always trying to sneak out of paying his share of neighborhood assessments and begin to see him not as a conniver but as a friendless man who lives with constant financial worries.". Why not pray? When I pray for these people that make me angry, the people that cut me off or ask stupid questions I'm giving them a face. I'm giving them a soul. When I see the girl in spanish I don't immediately think she is dumb, but I think about the last time I prayed for her and I wonder if those prayers have been answered. Is she a freshman worried about school and overwhelmed by her classes? How's she feeling now? Does she need tutoring or help of any kind? What can I do to help her life be easier? How can I show her Christ through my actions?
It's such an easy thing to do, but I never thought to do it. Not seriously at least.
How can we pray for someone we are angry with or don't like and walk away with a bitter taste? How is it possible to come before Our Lord, asking to see people as He sees them, and remain angry? 1 Corinthians 8:11 says "And so by your knowledge this weak person is destroyed, the brother for whom Christ died". Christ died for that person that cut me off. Christ died for that person that made a rude comment about my outfit. Christ died for the tax collectors, and the shammed.
"I pray for all the faces I have seen, and they become not just faces but fellow human beings who have fallen victim to evil on this planet. As I pray, their pain becomes mine, and I bring their plight before God."
(all quotes unless stated otherwise were from Philip Yancey's book "Prayer")
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